Body confidence. We see this term bandied about a lot but what does it mean? Especially during a time when (according to images across social media) most people are spending their waking hours dressed professionally top half only (video conference ready) and wearing slippers…or is that just me?!
Mervyn Reid-Nelson from You at Yours, a body confidence photographer based in London enlightened me. “Body confidence can mean different things for different people but the consensus is that it's essentially challenging one's self to accept (and eventually love) who you are today, just as you are, instead of the visceral need for “perfection”.
“In a world where we’ve been force-fed from a young-age a constantly changing form of what “normal” or “perfect” should look like, with many of us believing we don’t fit into this mould, being ourselves never stood a chance. Add to that our deep-rooted cultural behaviour in being self-deprecating and you’re left with a pretty unhealthy mindset. Not only are we convinced that we don’t fit in but we compound the problem by putting ourselves down because of it. Talk about kicking ourselves in the teeth.”
I can relate. As a woman, I have to say the pressure of looking a particular way can feel like an anchor around ones neck, it takes experience and confidence to stand confidently in your skin- and to realise you can be different things in different environments. The notion that there is a ‘one size fits all’ basis to perfection is quite incredulous really, considering how different we all are, however, it’s extremely deep-rooted. It’s a tall order to put the blinkers on and not compare ourselves to others. This has not been helped by the images that many youth see online via the likes of Instagram, nor has it been helped by apps that have been created to airbrush away imperfections. Although if we are honest, this has been used by the media the world over so why shouldn't us mere mortals be able to access this technology.
“We all look so different from one another but aim to look like one another. It’s a vicious cycle. We seem to have this unappeasable need for what other people have. And with social media being our main source of inspiration for many aspects of our lives, this need has been exacerbated. I wish I had her skin or her legs etc. could be easily repeated several times in a few short scrolls if you’re not careful.” Mervyn chips in.
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I challenge Mervyn on this point - how about body improvements? Should we not be inspired by them? What if it’s for health reasons?
“No, not at all. Yes, make improvements, of course! But these improvements shouldn’t ideally be founded upon self-resentment or because you want 'Sarah’s' thighs. I hate to be the bearer of bad news (or reality) but there is always a possibility you won’t make it…and then, of course, there’s a fear that you'll fall further back down the well of inadequacy. The goal is self-acceptance first and then improvement. Ask yourself: is it really for health purposes and self-acceptance or do I want a great bikini shot for the ‘Gram'? If you’re not making changes for the right reasons reaching these goals can also bring about a deeper sense of unfulfillment and inadequacy. Realising you’ve climbed the wrong mountain is heartbreaking for anyone.”
Mervyn comes across as a passionate, engaged individual and the topic is quite intriguing. I note that we’re 10 minutes into the conversation and I have no idea how this man began his journey!
“In my everyday life I had (/have) people around me saying quite mean things to themselves; I think we all do. For me, it was my friends, my family... It always troubled me but it was whilst providing photography services at weddings when it got out of hand and I realised I had to do something about it"
I press the point - weddings??
“Oh my goodness, weddings were the worst for seeing the true nature of peoples’ self-resentment/deprecation. I’d point my camera at a group of people and the comments would come without fail: “you’ll need all the photoshop with me, mate” or “careful, my face might break your lens” or “you might have to step back 100m to fit me in the shot” etc. Joke or no joke, I found it troubling. So I made it my life’s work to show people exactly how amazing they are, without the need for filters and photoshop."
Hold the phone, no filters or photoshop? Are you saying I shouldn’t be touching up my images before I put them up online?? (I joke, I am useless with improving photos - I realised I could change the filter recently, until then I truly believed everyone was just posting the photo as is. Little did I know, those online looking truly 'Instagram ready' had retouched every last pore!)
“Whilst it’s, unfortunately, become the norm, it’s damaging to the psyche. The rule of thumb for me when editing my work is that if a “problem” area won’t exist in 2 weeks, I’ll remove it from the image. Otherwise, it is a part of you and it stays. Getting rid of it only serves the purpose of re-affirming that you’re not good enough as you are, in your own skin. Also, we each have a responsibility to ensure the generations coming up beneath us are not riddled with feelings of inadequacy. If we feed them fake images of ourselves, are we any different to the magazines that fed us all these false beauty standards whilst growing up?"
I’m now thinking about whether there are longer term implications of adapting ourselves online…? I quickly turn the attention back to Mervyn: so to business - how has this period been for you? I imagine you’ve been forced to pivot somewhat because of the nature of your work?
“Yes, it’s been a testing time in many ways but especially financially. I was fortunate enough to identify how the impact of Covid-19 would negatively impact my community and subsequently offered them the chance to do Virtual Shoots with me - me photographing them whilst they remain in their own space. My advice to them and to anyone struggling with body confidence during this time is to lean into the uncertainly - the reality is that this is a whole new world and nobody knows how it’s going to look so for now, celebrate what you do have. Also, remain vulnerable in your communication with people you trust about how you're feeling. This will keep bonds strong and keep you aware of your journey through this time. There is no right or wrong."
"It’s through consistently reaching out to my community that I was able to discover this way of servicing their needs remotely. I’m also in the process of creating a paid community platform for my clients that are doing the work to better their body confidence. I provide all the encouragement via courses, workshops etc. and they have their hand held through the process."
A noble cause, it has to be said. I suddenly have a burning question. As a man, working exclusively with women, how do you challenge the sceptics?
“I’m not a woman and never claim to know what it’s like to be one living in today's society. But my experience of working with a variety of women has given me a broad picture of the challenges women face. I don’t come with a golden bullet of how to overcome your body confidence woes. Just one type of solution which has worked for most, if not all, so far."
"When I first started I was paralysed by this fear of what people might assume about me as a male photographer helping women. Eventually, I leaned into the notion that you cannot please everyone and as long as there are non-sceptics who see the work I’m trying to do, I’ll keep pushing on. Plus I speak quite openly on my website and social channels about what it’s like to work with me so the sceptics can be educated further. I also have more testimonials coming in than I have time to type up! At the same time, it’s not about me, or the fact I’m a guy. I’m simply trying to do my bit to help out a section of society who just want to lead a “normal” and confident life."
Well, I for one, am pleased he didn't let fear or naysayers stop him, as the popular saying goes.. feel the fear and do it anyway!
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